I'm so silly sometimes :)

Okay I was at the gym last night till waayyyyyyyy too late...I was off yesterday so there was no reason to procrastinate the whole day away :) I mean I cleaned and did laundry and shopped for suits and that blasted facebook that has me so curious as to what all of you are doing :) Anyhow, so that last post was from me at the gym on my blackberry that decides to only work for me when I do the dance right which goes something like, pull the battery...jump up and down, stand on my head, hammer it against the wall take 5 steps forward, 10 steps back...and when I get the order right the screen works until I move it and then I have to start back at the beginning...yes I'm going to get a new phone because there are no towers that support my phone here so it is wearing the thing out just trying to get a signal...just need a day to figure out the best phone to get.

So yeah, last night I was posing in the mirror in between sets like I always do and I don't even realize I'm doing it :) And all of a sudden I start to laugh at myself...and think yeah right whatever Tina...you'll be doing more shows. And yes April...hormones :) But can somebody please tell me when it's gonna stop...because there is no timing to it...I'm on a hormonal roller coaster ever since my competition. Not to mention when I asked Tony about these dang hives I keep breaking out in, he says it's stress. And I was like but why do I get them right before and right after a competition...and he says stress. And I know hives are cause by stress...but I never feel stressed...obviously, I am not very in tuned to how I am feeling, because I have been without hives for 2 weeks and when I was looking for a suit for the Harley shoot on-line, I started to feel anxious about doing the shoot, what kind of suit would be best, and out of nowhere the hives appeared everywhere. See our bodies are pretty smart.

So anyhow, today was my first day at work off orientation...and let me tell you...shit hit the fan...I had some of the craziest experiences...but I felt really good about how they all turned out. I'm a little concerned about my eating plan though because I ate breakfast...but seriously there was no time to even use the restroom...which I would have used before even thinking about eating...I didn't get a break, not even a breather. How can you break when you have people waiting in the waiting room, ambulances coming in...I never see anyone eat anything on days like this...I had a water, I didn't even have time to swig on that...it's just run, run, run...it's real fun...makes the day just fly...but I'm going to get fat if I don't eat...so I come home, eat 2 meals an hour apart, go to the gym, have my afterwork out shake...do some stuff and go to bed...howmy suppose to build muscle like that. And Tony says no excuses...and I know he's right...if you want something you'll make it happen...but I'm not making it happen...I can't figure out how ???

Just being honest here :)

I've been the one on blogs telling all you out there, make it happen...I did when I was in ICU...but this is different. I'm trying here and when I get it figured out...there will be no excuses for you out there :)

And Becca...you are killing me with the monster mash, and Marissa with the Madison show...and I wanna do a show...I do...I need to talk to Tony to see when I should wait till...sometimes I think I need to focus on these other things I wanna do....but when I start to even do that I break into tears like right now. What does that mean????????????????? I think it means I can't live any other way than prepping for a show. But what does that mean??????? Yeah I'm suppose to talk to Tony soon, I missed his call yet again... because he usually knows what's up :) Or he can get it out of me :)

Off to the gym before I'm there all night again :) I love the gym...makes everything all better...kind of like mom use to do :)